jokey jokes

picked these up from an american low rider site..

Chevrolet

-Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips

-Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Run On Luck Every Time

-Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time

-Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques

"Chevy, built like a rock and runs like one too."

Q. How do you make a Chevy accelerate 0-60 mph in less than 15 seconds?

A. Push it off a cliff.

Q. What is found on the last two pages of every Chevy's owners manual?

A. The bus schedule.

Q. What did the auto parts counterman say when the customer said, "I'll take a set of wiper blades for my

Chevy"?

A. Sounds like a fair trade.

Q. What do you call a Chevy at the top of a hill?

A. A miracle?

Q. What do you call two Chevy's at the top of a hill?

A. A mirage.

Q. How do you double the value of a Chevy?

A. Fill up the gas tank.

Q. What do you call a Chevy with brakes?

A. Customized.

Q. How do you make a Chevy go faster down hill?

A. Turn the engine off.

Q. Why don't Chevy's sustain much damage in front end collisions?

A. The tow truck takes most of the impact.

Q. What do you call Chevy passengers?

A. Shock absorbers.

Q. How do you improve the appearance of a Chevy?

A. Park it between two Fords

CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips.

CHEVROLET= Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time.

CHEVROLET= Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time.

CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle, Oil Leaks, Engine Ticks.

CHEVROLET= Cheap Heavy Equipment, Very Rusty, Overly Loved, Eventually Towed

CHEVY= Cheapest Heap Ever Visioned Yet

GMC= Garage Man's Companion

GMC= Gotta Mechanic Coming

GMC= Gay Mans Chariot

GM= General Mistake

GM= Glued Metal

IROC= I Run On Credit

IROC= I'm a retard out cruising

IROC= Idiotic retard Out Cruising

IROC= I'd Rather Own a Corvette

IROC= I reek of cologne

IROC= I really own crap

Z28= Zippy 2.8 Liter

SS= Super Slow

RS - Really Slow

CORVETTE= Completely Over-Rated, Very Expensive, Technically Troubled Engine.

Love is good, love is golden,
Love should be made in the back of a Holden,
If you don't like it, if you get bored,
Become a homo and **** in a Ford.


Some say...on a quiet night, you can hear a ford rust

BUT I SAY...it doesnt have to be quiet to hear a chevy rust

Uhhhhh huh huh huh..

Typical Ford owners.. (Despite i'll be buying a Model A Coupe in the next couple years.. )

HOLDEN

Hope
Our
Luck
Doesn't
End
Now

Oh, and the 'SS' in regards to Commodore 'SS' stands for 'Super Slug' or 'Super Slow'......

FORD,

First
On
Race
Day

Cheers The Zed.....................

FIAT....

F**ken Insult to Automotive Technology

Fix It Again Tony

tee hee, duh.

Poor
Old
Nigger
Thinks
It's
A
Cadilac

Pinched this from another forum.

A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and said "If you get in, I’ll give you a lollypop." The girl kept walking. Following along slowly, the man said "Come on and get in the car with me and I’ll give you two lolly pops." She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way. The man said "Get in with me and I’ll give you this whole bag of lollypops!" Finally, the girl turned and said "Look daddy, YOU bought the Ford, YOU ride in it!!"

Cheers The Zed......................

ahhahahha
they are cherry

DeadSled wrote:Uhhhhh huh huh huh..

Typical Ford owners.. (Despite i'll be buying a Model A Coupe in the next couple years.. )

i couldnt find many ford ones..
+ i gotta stick up for ford now i own one
even tho my first car was a chevy i missssss it

Here's another.


The blonde took her rough idling car to the mechanic. She was most surprised when he had it fixed in 5 minutes for no charge.

"Just crap in the air cleaner" said the mechanic.

The blonde said "How often "?.


Cheers The Zed....................

hahahaha
hahaha
oh the zed
your full of good ones

FORD PERFECT


'This is a great Ford ' said the Salesman , It runs so smooth you cannot feel it. It runs so quietly you cannot hear it . It runs so perfectly you cannot smell it. . And so Damn fast you cannot see it. Alfred thought for a second and asked the Ford salesman. . How do I know it is there?


FORD PAYMENTS


Getting behind with the Ford repayments, John received a phone call from the finance carpet, In an attempt to shame the car owner into catching up with the payments the finance company asked "what do you think your neighbors would think if we re-possessed the Ford? - John answered back. I had a talk to my neighbours and they all think it would be a 'lousy trick'..


-------------------------------------------------


SHUT UP !


A traffic patrol cop catches a Ford travelling at 85 mph in a 70 mph limit. Putting on his lights and siren he follows the car and makes it pull over. He gets out of the patrol car and approaches the driver of the other.
"Excuse me, sir", starts the officer, "are you aware you have been travelling at 85 mph and the speed limit is only 70?"
"I'm sorry, officer, you must be mistaken, I never break the speed limit".
"Oh, come on, Henry," says the other occupant in the car, Henry's wife, "you know you always go at least 80 mph on this road if you think you can get away with it!"
"will you shut up!!" shouts an annoyed Henry.
"Also sir, I notice your right hand rear tail light isn't working. I'm going to have to book you for that as well"
"Not working?" demands Henry "well, it certainly was this morning. It must have just blown just now."
"Now then Henry, you know that's not true", chips in the wife, ":I've been nagging you to get that fixed since last week".
"Damn it, you stupid woman, will you keep your mouth shut!"
"Sir, there's something else I have to report you for. You were not wearing your seat belt, which of course is a further offence".
"Of course I was", says Henry. "I just took it off when I stopped the car".
"Now then, Henry", chimes in the wife yet again. "You know how you always forget to buckle up. How many times have I told you?"
"For God's sake you silly bitch , will you shut the hell up!" Henry by now is very angry.
The officer turns to Henry's wife. "Tell me madam, does your husband always speak to you like this?"
"Yes, he's always the same after he's had a few drinks....."


-------------------------------------------------------------------


HENRY FORD ENTERING HEAVEN


At the gates of Heaven, the angel tells Henry Ford, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your invention, the car, changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want in heaven."
Henry Ford thinks about it and says, "I wanna hang with Adam, the first man." So, the angel points Adam out to Ford.
When Ford gets to Adam, Ford asks, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of the woman?"
Adam says, "Yes."
"Well, says Ford, "You have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much front end protrusion.
2. It chatters at high speeds.
3. The rear end wobbles too much.
4. And the intake is placed too close to the exhaust."
"Hmmm...", says Adam, "Hold on." So Adam goes to the celestial supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results. The computer prints out a slip of paper and Adam reads it.


Adam says "It may be that my invention is flawed, but according to the stellar computer, more men are riding my invention than yours."


-------------------------------------------------------------------------CADILLAC COMFORT


A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California. Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next service station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a Mobil station and pulls over to the pump.
"What can I do for ya'll?" asks the attendant. "Fill 'her up," replies the driver. While the attendant is filling up the tank, he's looking the car up and down.
"What kind of car is this?" he asks. "I never seen one like it before." "Well," responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, "this, my boy is a latest Cadillac DeVille."
"What all's it got in it?" asks the attendant.
"Well," says the driver, "it has everything. It's loaded with power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a 10 deck CD player in the trunk with 100 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, disk brakes all around, leather interior, digital instrument package, and best of all, a 8.8 liter V12 engine."
"Wow," says the attendant, "that's really something!"
"How much do I owe you for the gasoline?" asks the driver.
"That'll be $30.17," says the attendant. The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off a $20 and a $10. He goes into his other pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Mixed up with the change are a few golf tees.
"What are those little wooden things?" asks the attendant.
"That's what I put my balls on when I drive," says the motorist.
"Wow," says the attendant, "those Cadillac people think of everything!"





------------------------------------------------------





TRAFFIC TICKET


A police officer pulls a over Huge Cadillac for speeding.
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. it was suspended .
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a body in the trunk !?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying Son of a Bitch told you I was speeding, too…

A man goes into a farmyard and sees a black labrador just sitting there with a for sale sign next to him with "Talking Dog For Sale"

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the labrador replies.

"So, what's your story?

The labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the Secret Service about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running, but the jetting around really tired me out. I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I really wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. I had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm retired."

The man is amazed. He goes and asks the farmer what he wants for the dog.

"Ten pounds".

The man says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."

Cheers

Mick